Thursday, March 29, 2012

wolf sighting

I know it isn't a clear photo, but that is a wolf I saw running along the edge of the ice this morning. I have not seen a wolf in the wild (or in the city), but this was clearly a wolf. No dog would be out on the ice in the harbour at this time of the year when the ice is breaking up, and wolves are known to use frozen lakes or rivers as travel routes in the night. The speed of this animal was amazing to watch. It has to be a wild animal, I said to myself as I followed it with my eyes.

I had been walking along the Sacred Garden footpath, which is the last loop of my Thursday morning walk before returning back home, and when I  looked out onto Lake Superior, towards the East, I saw this beast galloping across the ice. Its nose was down and after running for a spell, it stopped to look out at the water. It had a bushy tail that was also down, not wagging like a dog's. I watched it running along the edge of the ice until it got closer to the shore by the old Pool 6 area. I hope it got on shore, but where will it go from there? It has a lot of industrial and residential areas to cross until it makes it back into the bush.

What is the medicine of Wolf that I need to pay attention to? Maybe as this was a "lone wolf," and he was running along a precarious border (ice/water) as the night opens to morning light (dark/light), this is a signal to me that I need to find alone time, find teachings there, in a between state of being. 

Sunday, March 18, 2012

'haunt' can be a noun and a verb

Spiderwebs surface like a river current from under snow-melt. I saw this sea of spiderwebs rippling under the conifer trees atop the Wilson St. headland, that part of the downtown waterfront which has been renamed after its transformation, the Spirit Garden .

We've had a few incredibly warm -- unseasonably mild  --days, and the sun has quickly melted the mounds of snow. There's the odd dirty pile of snow, but I still can't believe that we have such spring-like days in mid-March. I am all confused about it. I even saw a small red-bellied spider creeping on the outside of my window. What?! Where had this spider been hiding all winter? And so suddenly appearing .

Because the air is so warm (high teens and low twenties in Celsius), yet the lake is still frozen in the harbour and the water beyond it ice cold, when the warm air mass hits the water, an alchemy of mist and fog emerges.

"Oh, my," I said as I peeked out of the window this morning. A soft heavy fog had rolled up to my front steps.The waters of the lake had come to greet me, inviting me to walk into the water. That is, walk into its shape-shifting, walk into the haunt. I didn't have to walk along the water this morning as the line between land and water would blur today.  


I am no longer taking a walk with Tassu along the waterfront. It's too far for her to walk. Her back hip and right leg have gotten worse since the day her legs gave way. I had to flag down an early morning driver and plead for help. He was so nice. He drove off to get help and then we managed to put Tassu on a blanket and carry her into the back of his hatchback and bring her home.

Now, she's dragging her hind leg even worse so she is mostly walking on only three legs. When I went to see her this morning, to see if she was up for a walk, she got so excited when she saw me that her back legs slipped out and she flopped onto the porch. "Calm down, calm down," I begged her, running to hug her big head so that she would stop trying to jump up on me. We went for a very short walk, me with my heart in my throat the whole way, Tassu with her tongue hanging out and a big smile inside her eyes."I can do this!" she told me.

Then, I put her back on the porch, gave her some scraps, and left for a run.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Tassu means Paw





Tassu is slowing down. I no longer take her on long walks along the lakeshore on Sunday morning; I take her for a short slow ramble--or maybe we both ramble together. Her back leg, which has some arthritis at the hip (back haunch?), is getting increasingly stiff and 'snaps' when she takes a step. She usually trails behind me. I turn around every now and then ans say, "C'mon, you can do it!"

One day, we crossed the lights at Cumberland St. and headed up the overpass. The day before had been sunny and mild, melting the snow, causing a slushy, wet mess. But the night had dipped down to -20c and everything froze over like a sheet of ice. Whole sections of ground were like skating rinks. A light snow dusted the ground, making it difficult to see what was stable ground and what was treacherous ice.

As we walked along the sidewalk of the overpass, suddenly Tassu's legs gave way. With a clumsy plunk, there she lay. Her tummy on the ground, her big white paws spread out awkwardly. "Oh, no! Tassu, what are we going to do with you? Get up! Get up!"  I tried pulling her up. I spread my legs wide and wrapped my arms around her middle and heaved, telling her, "C'mon, Tassu! Get up! You can do it!" She was like a dead weight. I tried again and again, but the ice gave me no leverage. Tassu just whimpered and lay like a heavy log on the ice. Her jaw started to quiver. I got worried that she'd broken her leg. What to do?

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

My Mother, the Bear

I will continue with my poem about the Sacred tree, 
but I've decided to waylay you with a short story.
 
My Mother, the Bear.
 
My mother paints in her eyebrows. Using a Maybelline brow pencil that
needs sharpening, she draws wide choppy strokes along her brow line.
“You should wear your glasses when draw your brows,” I tell her. “And
use a light stroke. You don’t need that heavy pencil.” Her blue eyes
widen, but she ignores me and continues her beauty ritual. 
 
My mother prides herself on her appearance. When people tell her she
doesn’t look her age, she glows. Last month, she turned 78. That means
she has spent 56 years living in Canada. Yet, she still has a heavy
Finnish accent. Her voice cackles at times when she speaks Finnish, an
old dialect from Kauhajoki, the farming region we left behind.  
 
English speakers often don’t understand my mother when she speaks
English. They would say she speaks “broken English.” Even my husband who
sees her regularly has a problem understanding what she’s saying. She
makes up her own words. She uses Finnish grammar when she speaks
English, so her sentences are all mixed up. She code switches, that is,
she throws in English words when she speaks Finnish, and she mixes in
Finnish phrases when she speaks English. 
 
My mother, however, does not think she has any difficulties speaking
English, so she is puzzled when people don’t understand her. She will
repeat herself until her point is made clear. 
 
Nothing stops her from speaking her mind. Nothing.  
 
Her favorite place to shop is the Sally Ann. Every week, she finds a new
colourful used blouse, skirt, or dress. Last week she found a coat and a
purse. Accessories are her favourite. She loves wearing scarves, belts,
jewelry, hats, and gloves—all at the same time. My mother is a colourful
dresser; understatement is not a word in her vocabulary. Everything
matches in her fashion lexicon: stripes with flowers, green with red,
lace with denim, plaid with paisley.  
 
My mother’s lustrous curly hair is her pride and joy. Everyone comments
on her hair, and my mother revels in their attention. “No,” she tells
anyone who asks her, “I don’t dye my hair. I don’t have to. I don’t
have any grey hair.”
 
My sisters and I shake our heads. 
 
“Your hair is not red, Aiti,” I remind her. “Your hair is brown. And
there’s quite a bit of silver in it now. But you’ve been dying it for so
long, so you think you don’t have any gray hair.”
 
My mother comes from a family of storytellers. Her father was the
village storyteller of Hyyppa. People came from all around to sit in my
mother’s family’s kitchen and listen to Vesteri’s stories. My mother
grew up listening to her father talking about forest spirits, ghosts,
funerals, practical jokes, neighbours, and people’s misadventures. 
 
Over the years, my sisters and I have noticed that our mother likes telling
stories, too. Like her sister, Irja, she creates new memories all the
time by changing what happened in the past. We tell her: that’s not how
it happened! She laughs at us and continues telling her story of what
happened. She retells family history to fit the truths that she wants to
believe.   
 
My mother drives a car that looks like a small hearse. She wears shoes
that are too small for her feet. She climbs up long ladders to clean
leaves out of the gutter of her rooftop, she mows her own lawn, shovels
her own driveway, drives her 90 year old friends to the doctors and
translates for them, bakes cakes for her church’s bake sales, and writes
poems for everyone’s birthday. 
 
Not that long ago, she heard my father, who died in 2000, talk to her in
a dream. He told her that there was a break in the water line and the
water was seeping into the weeping tiles of the basement wall. He said
the water would cause serious damage that would be expensive to fix. He
told her the leak had to be stopped; he said she had to call the city to
dig up the ground and fix the water pipe. When she woke up, she woke up
my sister, Katja, and told her she had to call the city to come and
check the water line. My sister thought she was crazy, but she called
the city, anyway. Sure enough, when the city workers came to check,
there was a break and water was leaking right where my mother said our
father had told her. 
 
Although my mother’s mouth is small as a rosebud and her nose is small
as a button, that’s all that is small about her. Well, that’s not quite
true. In all honesty, I have shouted at her that she has a small mind.
We argue a lot, my mother and me. We argue about politics and religion.
My voice can get as loud as hers. I can be as adamant as her. Neither of
us ever convinces the other of her truth. 
 
I call her Aiti. That’s the Finnish name for Mother. 
 
If my mother was an animal, she would be a bear. She looks like a
bear—full-bodied, curly hair, brown toned pelt, small inquisitive nose.
Her eyes are like a bears’—intense. At times, when her feet hurt and her
ankles swell, she waddles like a bear does when it walks on two feet.
She is protective like a Mother Bear. She is most protective of her
turf: the Bible and Jesus. If anyone says anything against her Jesus,
her fangs come out and she turns into a grizzly bear. If you challenge
her story of Jesus, she will rise up on her two feet and come towards
you in all her fury. You don’t want to meet her on a path. She will swat
at you, violently. She will rip you to shreds like a salmon between her
paws.  

Sunday, January 15, 2012

the Divine Goodness*

A Tree Called Sacred cont'd

Much later, I was brought to Europe,
where I was taken up eagerly.
I gave birth to penniless universities,
flowed in coffee salons of Enlightenment thought.
Abducted by the Dutch, I was smuggled
through the Arab port of Mocha
and spirited away to their colony in Java.
1922. Road through a coffee plantation in East Java from All About Coffee.

I do not do well in high winds, full sun, or pools of water.
My roots breathe and need air.
If you can care for camellia, 
you can care for me.
I bloom small white flowers with a jasmine-like fragrance
that spreads sweet and heavy like musk.
 COFFEE BRANCHES, FLOWERS, AND FRUIT frontispiece of Ukers' book.

My arms yield clusters of dark red berries
dressed in silverskins. I am seductive.
My earthy scent is irresistible. In the morning,
I crawl next to your sleeping body.
You wake, anticipating my taste.
You hunger for me,
willingly open your mouth,
press me to your lips, and
like liquid gold, I slip inside
and run lightening quick
through your veins.  


*the Divine Goodness, from one of the earliest Arabic poems about coffee, 1511